Thursday, July 13, 2006

This is why English Teachers die young!!



Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are a few of my favorites from last year's winners:




- She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated becauseof his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

- Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Some of the items made me wonder what I was missing by today's teenage standards. Is the shock of getting an ATM surcharge in a formerly surcharge-free machine really that much of a shock? Is the change in time of a TV show such a surreal experience? Are teenagers frying maggots these days as an afterschool snack? Have there been a lot of murders by fathers brandishing power saws?

Am I hopelessly out of date?
Countess Bedelia 7/13/2006 07:49:00 PM

8 Comments:

Hopelessly out of date. I agree. What's an ATM?

: )
Rick-You would have been better prepared for divorce if you had gotten a surcharge at an ATM machine...LOL!
Well, I once saw a person go berserk when they put his favorite program on a half hour earlier and he missed it. So I guess, to some people, it can be surreal.

Not to normal people like you and me, of course. Normal, you know, like a roan eating granny apples and putting out horse apples all at the same time.
Hoss-I spit my coffee all over my desk when I read this one. LOL!!
I read all of them til I got to the hailstones/maggot one. URPH! Oy I nearly lost it there. The E. Coli and Canadian beef one is great LOL
kb
Kb-what are teenagers doing these days? Frying maggots for snacks? Too funny!
I agree with KB; the E Coli one is refreshing.
Mrs. Astor - I believe you have Argentinian beef at home!!!

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