Monday, August 21, 2006
One woman's story......
This past weekend I was once again in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, to see a play at The Berkshire Theatre Festival. My good friend Cat and I went to see The Heidi Chronicles. Scott Lowell has the lead male role. Scott played the role of Ted in Queer as Folk. Cat wanted to thank him and QAF for the tremendous impact the show had on her life. I think her story is an important one and she has given me permission to share it with you:
“I only came out totally a few years ago. For a few years before that I was out to some people I trusted, and before that I was firmly in the closet. I hid for years in a straight marriage and a straight life and was painfully miserable. I drank a lot, did a lot of drugs, and spent a lot of time trying to forget how unhappy I was. I had a job that took me away from home and allowed me to pretend to be somebody else for protracted periods of time. In short, pain management 101. I was born in the 50’s and being gay while I was growing up was not only uncool it was pretty much the end of your life, sometimes literally. Gays got tossed out of their homes, had their children taken from them, were thrown out of their churches, were denied loans, jobs, legal help, medical care, and sometimes even service in restaurants. We were taunted, harassed, and made fun of, and more often than not, people turned a blind eye. In short, nobody stood up for us. So most people, when they found out they were gay, fought it, hid it, lied about it, denied it, and did everything they possibly could to make sure nobody found out. Brokeback Mountain was no fairy tale…that’s just how it was back then – and still is in a lot of places. That’s why Health Ledger’s character, Ennis Del Mar, resonated so with all of us. We knew how real his fear was because many of us had felt it first hand. The idea that we could be happy was unfathomable.
So, wind the clock ahead 30 years or so to the turn of the century. The concept of civil rights and women’s rights have been ensconced in the social psyche, and the idea of gay rights has come just far enough to make it possible for this amazing TV show to turn up on cable TV. OK, some of the writing is bad, some of the plots a little hard to swallow, but, dammit, those are GAY people! And they’re not clowns or freaks or criminals or psycho child molesters….they’re PEOPLE. And they’re cool. These are people you want to be friends with. They’re normal people with faults and good qualities, just like everyone else, and they just happen to be gay! They were people like ME that I could be proud of. And that, believe me, that changed EVERYTHING.
When I was in college I took an elective entitled “Contemporary American Art and Artists” because the two alternatives were even worse. As bad as the class was, one thing from it has stuck with me. It was in an essay written by a contemporary modern artist that I had never heard of, and I still can’t remember his name. His art stunk, in my opinion, but he said something that I’ll never forget. He said, commenting on the difference between art and pretentious shit, that “…one can recognize art because it inspires….it makes you see possibilities you’ve never seen before…..it makes you reach out for more.” When measured against that yardstick, for me, Queer as Folk is a masterpiece. When I watched it, I wanted the life they had. I wanted to be out and proud, and didn’t want to give a fuck what anybody thought. I wanted to live MY life with no apologies and no regrets. So, I went to my job of 7 years and announced that I was gay and if they didn’t like it they could kiss my ass. I came out to my friends, my colleagues, to most of my family who didn’t know already, and basically to anybody else who would stand still long enough to listen. I was a veritable frenzy of outness. Now, to their credit, nobody was shocked, or even particularly surprised, by my revelation. Nor have any of them treated me one iota differently than they ever had. But coming out wasn’t about them accepting me….it was about ME accepting me. Which, of course, is true for everyone, but you never know that until it’s over. Not only did I come all the way out; after watching Queer as Folk I decided to DO something about it. I knew what it had felt like to be in that closet all those years and I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure other people didn’t have to hide in there like I did. But what to do? Where to start? Well, I volunteered. It was as simple as that. The AIDS Quilt came to town and they needed volunteers to help with the Quilt while it was on display, to talk to people about the AIDS epidemic and the various panels, so I did. I met so many people and they were all so nice to me, and when I said I wanted to volunteer and help with other things, they made phone calls, introduced me to people and set me on my way. The next thing I volunteered for was the Pride planning committee and I met more wonderful people…and so the story goes. The end of the story goes like this….I started out scared, hiding, sure that if anyone found out I was gay that my life as I knew it would be over and ended up on the board of directors of our local Gay and Lesbian Council, the chair of our annual Pride planning committee and a frequent speaker on gay rights and champion of gay causes. But it all started with Queer as Folk – which inspired me, which showed me possibilities I’d never seen before, which made me reach out for more. I owe the show an immense debt of gratitude because, in all the ways that matter, it changed my life.”
“I only came out totally a few years ago. For a few years before that I was out to some people I trusted, and before that I was firmly in the closet. I hid for years in a straight marriage and a straight life and was painfully miserable. I drank a lot, did a lot of drugs, and spent a lot of time trying to forget how unhappy I was. I had a job that took me away from home and allowed me to pretend to be somebody else for protracted periods of time. In short, pain management 101. I was born in the 50’s and being gay while I was growing up was not only uncool it was pretty much the end of your life, sometimes literally. Gays got tossed out of their homes, had their children taken from them, were thrown out of their churches, were denied loans, jobs, legal help, medical care, and sometimes even service in restaurants. We were taunted, harassed, and made fun of, and more often than not, people turned a blind eye. In short, nobody stood up for us. So most people, when they found out they were gay, fought it, hid it, lied about it, denied it, and did everything they possibly could to make sure nobody found out. Brokeback Mountain was no fairy tale…that’s just how it was back then – and still is in a lot of places. That’s why Health Ledger’s character, Ennis Del Mar, resonated so with all of us. We knew how real his fear was because many of us had felt it first hand. The idea that we could be happy was unfathomable.
So, wind the clock ahead 30 years or so to the turn of the century. The concept of civil rights and women’s rights have been ensconced in the social psyche, and the idea of gay rights has come just far enough to make it possible for this amazing TV show to turn up on cable TV. OK, some of the writing is bad, some of the plots a little hard to swallow, but, dammit, those are GAY people! And they’re not clowns or freaks or criminals or psycho child molesters….they’re PEOPLE. And they’re cool. These are people you want to be friends with. They’re normal people with faults and good qualities, just like everyone else, and they just happen to be gay! They were people like ME that I could be proud of. And that, believe me, that changed EVERYTHING.
When I was in college I took an elective entitled “Contemporary American Art and Artists” because the two alternatives were even worse. As bad as the class was, one thing from it has stuck with me. It was in an essay written by a contemporary modern artist that I had never heard of, and I still can’t remember his name. His art stunk, in my opinion, but he said something that I’ll never forget. He said, commenting on the difference between art and pretentious shit, that “…one can recognize art because it inspires….it makes you see possibilities you’ve never seen before…..it makes you reach out for more.” When measured against that yardstick, for me, Queer as Folk is a masterpiece. When I watched it, I wanted the life they had. I wanted to be out and proud, and didn’t want to give a fuck what anybody thought. I wanted to live MY life with no apologies and no regrets. So, I went to my job of 7 years and announced that I was gay and if they didn’t like it they could kiss my ass. I came out to my friends, my colleagues, to most of my family who didn’t know already, and basically to anybody else who would stand still long enough to listen. I was a veritable frenzy of outness. Now, to their credit, nobody was shocked, or even particularly surprised, by my revelation. Nor have any of them treated me one iota differently than they ever had. But coming out wasn’t about them accepting me….it was about ME accepting me. Which, of course, is true for everyone, but you never know that until it’s over. Not only did I come all the way out; after watching Queer as Folk I decided to DO something about it. I knew what it had felt like to be in that closet all those years and I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure other people didn’t have to hide in there like I did. But what to do? Where to start? Well, I volunteered. It was as simple as that. The AIDS Quilt came to town and they needed volunteers to help with the Quilt while it was on display, to talk to people about the AIDS epidemic and the various panels, so I did. I met so many people and they were all so nice to me, and when I said I wanted to volunteer and help with other things, they made phone calls, introduced me to people and set me on my way. The next thing I volunteered for was the Pride planning committee and I met more wonderful people…and so the story goes. The end of the story goes like this….I started out scared, hiding, sure that if anyone found out I was gay that my life as I knew it would be over and ended up on the board of directors of our local Gay and Lesbian Council, the chair of our annual Pride planning committee and a frequent speaker on gay rights and champion of gay causes. But it all started with Queer as Folk – which inspired me, which showed me possibilities I’d never seen before, which made me reach out for more. I owe the show an immense debt of gratitude because, in all the ways that matter, it changed my life.”
Countess Bedelia 8/21/2006 12:42:00 PM
